Guided Writing Session Directory
Below, you will find recordings for each Guided Writing Session dating back to August 2021 when the sessions were began.
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Use the Independent Entries Folder for submissions not specific to a monthly program or Guided Writing Session.
More About Guided Writing Sessions
My secret pleasure!
What do you feel ashamed of that also gives you genuine pleasure? What is the story behind this shame? How might you shift this destructive story?
I'm still laughing since writing in response to this prompt, so here goes...
I feel shame for doing jigsaw puzzles! Colourful works of art by a masterful painter, especially during the monochrome winter when my retina seeks stimulation and joy. I thrill at seeing the intricate brush-strokes, intriguing use of colour to create an effect, the tiniest of detail. I get absorbed and so excited to find the right piece and click it in. So much pleasure, I often yelp in satisfaction and even fist-pump at completing a section.
Now here comes the shame; but I'm not being creative! I'm wasting time. I'm recreating what someone else has already painted, and for crying out loud it's already right there complete on the box lid! This serves absolutely no purpose to anyone, for anything and I really should be doing the dishes or cooking or one of the thousand household projects left undone. I remind myself it is my stress-reliever, it got me through cancer treatment when my brain was fried, it has just been helping me through domestic strife and brings moments of order into this crazily uncertain time of pandemic.
Where's the shame in that? And as I write this, I start to notice that along with the shame is disappointment. I'm not daring to try and paint myself. I'm not risking getting messy and stepping out of my comfort zone. I am staying safe. And why not? Why do I have a rule that I have to be creative? Why can't I simply take a jumble of coloured pieces, play around with them and make order out of them and see what someone else created?
There is something calming about creating order out of the chaos of random pieces. Yet somehow doing something pleasurable to me which brings peace and calm doesn't match my definition of being "useful". As I write this I disagree, but I know that feeling of shame when someone walks in and sees me at the puzzle again, not in the kitchen where clearly I believe I should be. Wow. Such a judgement going on in my own head that I shouldn't be wasting time on this.
And so to shift this, clearly I need to re-examine my ideas around my own pleasure. I am on the verge of justifying doing a jigsaw puzzle because it is useful to me and my mental state, even if not useful to anyone or anything else. But even that is an unnecessary justification. What if I do a puzzle because I enjoy it. Punto e basta! Nope, here's the shame again. Or is it perhaps guilt that there are so many other things that I haven't completed and that NEED doing and I am avoiding. I can see how silly this all is, but I just can't shift the story.
Dear Emma,
Isn't it extraordinary, the power of shame? There are two issues at hand here; first, the guilty pleasure of doing jigsaw puzzles to relax your mind and enjoy the process of connecting the colors and shapes into a recognizable whole (not unlike memoir-writing, in fact!); second, the projects and/or obligations you are avoiding. If it's true that there are things you want to do but aren't, or things that truly need doing imminently, you'd do well to move through the resistance and attend to them in small doses. If, on the other hand, you have a head full of things you think you should do (or should want to do) -- but they're not actually urgent -- it might be more useful to let this stuff moulder, watch your self-judgment and aversion come up, and sit with it till it passes through you (writing can help a lot with this process). Sometimes, there's more wisdom in not relieving our neurotic discomforts (not right away in any case) and allowing them to play out, revealing their deeper hold on you, than there is in allowing shame and fear to dictate your reactions and behavior. In any case, this isn't an either/or proposition; jigsaw puzzles (all forms of play, which are ESSENTIAL) can co-exist with being conscientious, of course.
Great to hear from you. Let us know how this issue evolves. It's one that nearly everyone shares! Take good care, my friend,
Mark
Thank you, Mark.
Now that winter is finally over, I have thrown the puzzle back in the box and taken to gardening instead. Much more soul-satisfying, I think because I am in partnership with nature and so much is coming to life alongside me. I recognise that, in comparison, the puzzle is 'dead and done' and much more isolating. There is companionship in the flowerbed in so many ways.
I like the idea of 'not relieving our neurotic discomforts' and sitting with them. It has given me the space I needed to see. I am noticing a refreshing vastness of choice, which of course was always there but was filled by my neuroses of shoulds. I am far more conscious of not only what I am choosing to do and for what reason, but equally of the pleasure I can have in everything I do, if I choose to approach a task BECAUSE I choose it. The begrudging resentment of "so much to be done" used to dominate, I now see. I feel freer and happier as I take ownership and authority over my actions. So simple!
Thanks, Emma! It's amazing how much changes when we choose versus acting from shoulds and obligations. Even when we are obliged to do things we'd rather avoid, we can choose how to approach these tasks and, thus, not make ourselves into victims. I'm glad to hear that you're in your garden -- happy Spring! -- and also hope that the next time you choose to do a jigsaw puzzle, or twiddle your thumbs and stare out the window, you will do so guilt-free. : )
Mark