Guided Writing Sessions

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Living Without A Net Prompt Number 3

I live in crisis, confusion, and fear all the time. I have physical and emotional anxiety. The definition of anxiety is “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.” It’s the uncertainty that drives all the other feelings. When I feel powerless, I panic. I went to the emergency room so many times because I thought I was having a heart attack when it was panic; the doctor told me not to come back.

I have learned from Brene Brown to ask, “what is the story I am telling myself?” I can then step back and see the fear from a different vantage point, and if I stand in my power, I can choose another story.

I am also grateful to have found the work of Byron Katie’s four questions:

“1; is it true?
2. Can I absolutely know it’s true?
3. How do I react when I believe it?
4. Who would I be without the thought?”

The next step is to turn the thought around.

Yesterday I received a grocery delivery. I got the thought in my mind I stood to close to the delivery man and was exposed to the COVID-19 virus. I was walking around my apartment in circles. Then I used both tools and realized the story I was telling myself was fear-based, and many people, even perhaps me, have the virus and never get sick or get mildly ill. I turned the thought around to “there are billions of people on the planet facing this pandemic, I am just one of them. If I get sick than that is what will happen, I have no power over this virus other than following the guidelines outlined by the medical professionals.”

Today the building manager came to my door; I had the same thought but was able to turn it around quickly. I am sure I will be these two tools a lot in the coming days.

DevonB has reacted to this post.
DevonB

Dear Madeline,

Thanks for this writing. You're absolutely right about the increasing need (for all of us) to question the stories driving anxiety, dread, and negative predictions. News reports are giving us more than enough challenging, fact-based information, God knows!  Narrative add-ons are never helpful, but these days they can be especially deadly (to hope, courage, and morale for starters).  This is a great time to utilize Katie's four questions on a regular basis, and I'm glad to hear you're using them to modulate your fear in these uncertain times. By reframing your anxiety over infection, for instance ("there are billions of people .... facing this pandemic ... I have no power over this virus other than following the guidelines outlined by the medical professionals”), you're also utilizing the Stoic practice of recognizing the limits of control in order to "get real" and not remain trapped in the common, stress-inducing notion that if you just stay worried and scared enough, you can keep the virus at bay.  This reminds me of a friend who was terrified of flying; with the help of a therapist, she uncovered the secret story she was telling herself: that as long as she kept white-knuckling, she was somehow keeping the plane in the air. We all have our versions of this magical thinking. : )

Stay safe and well!  So glad you're a part of The Seekers Forum.

Mark 

Madeline, you write with such clarity, describing the problem of fear and your resources.  I made an appointment at my bank - my first commercial contact in slightly over a month, and it felt like being in a spy novel, with all the complexities of our protections.  Such strange times.  I’m a Katie fan too, now that I know about her.  Smiles.- Devon

Hi Madeline,

Thank you for your raw vulnerability - owning that you live in fear and physical and emotional anxiety all the time.

What I love is that in my experience, just by recognizing and sharing my vulnerability, the healing begins.  I, too,

am a student of Byron Katie and love doing "the work".  I look forward to more of your writing.  Thanks, Patricia