Quote from Diane on October 2021, 6:31 pm

Eager to learn more about the Shadow, I hurried home from my appointment to participate in The Seeker's Forum writing session.  I had traveled that day to the little town of Makanda, Illinois to see a massage therapist for some lingering low back pain.  A friend had recommended her months earlier, telling me that in addition to massage, she was a yoga instructor, a shamanic practitioner, and an intuitive healer.  It was a drive, but the spiritual aspect of the session intrigued me.

I lay on the table before my massage while Anne used a pendulum to read my chakras.  "All but two are very strong," she reported.  "The third, the solar plexus, and the fourth chakra, the heart, are weaker."  She explained the third chakra has to do with personal power and that a lack of self-confidence can be a contributing factor while past hurt, disappointment, and feelings of betrayal can affect the love chakra.  I just nodded.  During my session we did some guided visualization to open up and expand these two centers.

On my drive home, I reflected on Anne's assessment of my chakras.  I could acknowledge personal power may still be an issue, but I was a little surprised about the heart.  I've always had a big heart--generous, compassionate and empathetic toward others, but yes, I have experienced hurt, disappointment, and betrayal.  Who hasn't?  I thought about a longstanding troublesome relationship that remained unresolved.  I had moved on.  But I remembered telling a psychologist at the time, "I can't put down my outstretched arm," as if holding him at bay keeps me protected.  And there were other people (more recent encounters) to whom I had done the same thing.  After many years of listening to their incessant chatter, I had reached a breaking point and had once again put up that imaginary outstretched arm, like a wall that blocked anything I didn't want to hear, anything unpleasant.  It was my way of saying (at least to myself) I can't take it anymore.

Back home in time for our first question in The Seeker's Forum, Jay put up the following:  When it comes to love, what parts of your heart do you keep off limits or in the dark?  What are your reasons for this?  Be specific.

Hmmm. parts of my heart? Again, I thought of my outstretched arm to those family members who are conversational narcissists.  I had listened for years, trying not to get involved in a family fray or take in words that upset me.  In our breakout session, I shared with Barbara my thoughts regarding the first question.

The next morning, I got on line and found an opening heart meditation.  The guide directed me to drop down from my head where all my thoughts are and tune into my heart.  He said to think of a current conflict in my life and to see it from my heart rather than my head.  I saw these three women with a need to be seen and heard.  It was an exaggerated need, and I saw myself, after all these years, intolerant.

I guess my question now is how can I protect myself without closing my heart?

Quote from Mark Matousek on October 2021, 9:16 am

Thanks, Diane. These are questions that all of us face: how to protect ourselves without closing our hearts?  How to be open without feeling trampled?  How to love without too much expectation?  Finally, how to operate from a foundation of self-love that keeps relationship dynamics simple, direct, honest, and guilt-free?  For most of us, part of becoming a grownup means letting go of idealism and naive beliefs about other people, who -- often with no ill intent -- inflict pain through insensitivity, ignorance, or (as you point out) narcissism. It would be wonderful to live in a world where we could all put down our "imaginary arm" -- the part of a person that says, keep your distance, I don't trust you, prove to me that this is safe -- but can be a childish wish that doesn't acknowledge things as they are. This is a sobering, disillusioned, sometimes lonely perspective, but it has the advantage of being the truth. I suggest that you write to the following prompt: In the case of your three friends, are you being intolerant or honest? Excessively defended or wise? This is a nuanced question that's well worth exploring. 

Great to hear from you!  Have a good weekend,

Mark 

Quote from Diane on October 2021, 4:32 pm

Thank you, Mark.  I appreciate your input and will do more digging.