Quote from Deleted user on April 2020, 9:25 pm

I would love feedback from you fellow writers if you feel like leaving any!!! It would mean a lot to me. I'm going to post my first version of this poem here as well, which is shorter. This is such a challenging time for me as I know it is for all of us.  Writing this has helped me feel better, even physically. And I have to confess my ego's silly thought that this is perhaps the best thing I've yet written. But so what. My deepest hope is that, by writing I can possibly help make some kind of positive difference in the world together with everyone who finds themselves moved to share from their heart's truth, which I feel is more precious than gold, and to act from their heart's compassion. <3  - Grace A.

Quote from Deleted user on April 2020, 9:27 pm

Harmonies of Hope (1)

 

the Sirens sound outside my window
In my heart is grief and sorrow
For those afflicted

And my heart
Feels for everyone
Living in fear.

I’m aghast at our circumstances
And saddened for the veil
We allow to obscure our Common humanity
Leading to conflict among us
Which denies our innate dignity

My heart breaks open
For all who’re unaided
Trying to make ends meet
Just trying to eat

*******
That I may be of help
I look for calm
Within the storm
I Breathe deep
And Listen for my soul’s
Knowledge there’s more
To here than this

*******
I call on my
Memories of
White Golden Light -
Coming Through -
the Ceiling/Roof
And Crystalline
Harmonies
High and deep
Soaring out and up
Beyond imagining

*******
I call on
Magical moments

of Bitterness softened

*******
A tiger gentled

*******
A heart opened

*******
Revealing Infinite Tenderness

*******
Held within newfound strength

*******

I seek out
that
Gorgeous Light Energy -
Pure - All - Loving - All-Embracing - Wise -
Now Empowering and Guiding us
In Gentle Connection
with Empathy and Understanding
Filling us, Bringing Miracles
Of Love and Light
As freed from our barriers
We welcome it in.

Quote from Mark Matousek on April 2020, 10:25 am

Dear Denise-Grace,

Thanks for sharing this poem with us!  It reflects your hope and optimism for the future as we move through this pandemic together, as well as a desire for spiritual awakening in the form of "Empowering and Guiding us/In Gentle Connection/with Empathy and Understanding." You begin by expressing your grief and worry over the state of the world (the beginning of the poem is the strongest part, in my view), then radiate out and up into the light ("Crystalline harmonies/High and deep ..."), and ending in a celebration of "Gorgeous Light Energy/Pure-All -Loving-All-Embracing-Wise ..." as you visualize a better future world.  When the writing is grounded in experience ("Sirens sound outside my window ..."), it's compelling and relatable; when it takes flight into idealism, it loses some credibility for me. This is a purely personal opinion -- and I am not a poetry critic -- but since you wanted feedback, that would be mine: keep it real, keep it experiential, keep it grounded and personal, and avoid the impulse to ascend to the ethers. : ).  In my experience as a writer, a little transcendence goes a long way on the page. 

Great to have you in The Seekers Forum.  Hope to see you on Sunday's call. 

Mark 

Quote from DevonB on May 2020, 11:26 pm

Hi Grace-

First, thanks for showing the evolution of your poem, with these two versions.  Your poem is rich, with so many beautiful lines.  Your opening lines , with the image of the sirens are strong.  They pulled me in, connecting with your social observations.  I liked  your imagery in “ these terrible circumstances
Uniting us across distances.
Saddened at the veil
We’ve allowed to prevail
Obscuring our common humanity”.  
My favorite though, was your stanza

”That I may be of help
I look for calm
Within the storm
I Breathe deep
And Listen for my soul’s
Knowledge there’s more
To here than this”.  

I think that you could end the poem here.  I find your imagery in the ecstasies that follow to be intriguing, but they seem to be a separate entity to me with the differences in tone.   “A Tiger Gentled” might be a poem unto itself.  
Will you be posting your poem that Mark read at Forum?  It is a masterpiece.  Good to read your offerings.

Quote from Deleted user on May 2020, 10:17 pm

Hi Devon,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and very encouraging feedback. You've given me much to reflect on. I like your idea that I might write a separate poem about "A Tiger Gentled".  And I understand what you mean about the different parts of my poem being quite different in tone. But I thought it was all right because in the back of my mind I was thinking in terms of symphonies with their different movements and perhaps also in terms of longer poems made up of different sections separated by roman numerals. My underlying intention was for the different parts to work as a kind of counterpoint to one another that might point to but not spell out other possible layers of meaning. I'm grateful to you for getting me to articulate my thoughts this way. I feel like I'm gaining greater clarity myself in the process. I haven't studied poetry formally all that much and I don't want to become bound by rules or precedent or self-conscious in my approach but I do want what I write to hold together organically and also be expansive. What 'masterpiece' poem are you referring to that Mark read in the Forum? The beautiful one I heard him read wasn't by me. I would love to see it posted also.

 

? 

Quote from DevonB on May 2020, 4:56 pm

Grace, thanks so much for your explanation of your intent.  Now that you describe it as musical movement, I see that this is indeed what you’ve done.  There  are so many subtleties of possible meaning.  
I once took a class on writing pieces as three musical movements from Lidia Yuknavitch. I struggled with it.  If you enjoy hybrid writing, she has some free exercises on Vimeo.  I look forward to seeing more of your pieces here.  

Quote from Mark Matousek on May 2020, 9:43 am

Thanks for this poem, Grace!  I'm glad that you are sharing your work.  Although I love poetry, it is not my metier as a reader or critic.  I'm glad that Devon is more a poetry maven than I am, is able to give you more detailed and knowledgeable feedback.  : ).  By the way, if ever you want to submit a prose piece in response to the deepening prompts, I'd love to see it.   I hope you're taking good care of yourself.

All my very best to you,

Mark