Quote from Patricia Sheaves on August 2020, 2:56 pm

What do I know intuitively that my reasoning mind rejects?

 That I’m okay just the way I am. I know this intuitively but my brain absolutely refuses to believe it.  The brain is constantly filled with doubts, questions, objections, distrust. It is in a constant state of negative questioning (and negative answering).  

If I am okay, why am I alone?

If I am okay, why was I abused as a child?

If I am okay, why do I have such a low sense of self-worth?

If I am okay, why am I not more successful professionally?

If I am okay, why don’t I accomplish more?

If I am okay, why don’t I take better care of myself?

Why, why, why, why, why?

Today, I’m in the mood to answer some of these perpetual (and perpetually negative) questions:

If I am okay, why am I alone?  I am NOT alone. I have a loving family, great friends, wonderful colleagues and I live in a friendly, peaceful community.  It is not my fault that Mr. Right is still wandering around out there, dazed and confused. When the time is right, we will find each other.

If I am okay, why was I abused as a child?  Because my parents either did not know any better OR they did know better but did not hold themselves to a high enough standard. That’s on them, NOT me.

If I am okay, why do I have such a low sense of self-worth?  I actually don’t have a low sense of self-worth.  I am happy, healthy, loving, strong, smart, kind, funny, courageous and have a strong sense of personal and professional integrity.  I do, however, have a really bad habit of making myself responsible for looking after other people, even when they don’t need it and even when it is clearly not my job. It’s as if I think they are more important than me. They’re not. I will work on that

If I am okay, why am I not more successful professionally?  I AM successful professionally.  I just have a bad habit of comparing myself with other successful people and coming up short.  I don’t need to be more successful; I need to stop comparing.

If I am okay, why don’t I accomplish more?  More what?  Ridiculous question!

If I am okay, why don’t I take better care of myself? I am doing the best I can and it is MUCH better than I used to do. Two years ago, I was deathly ill, dangerously overweight and couldn’t move the length of myself without getting winded.  Today, I am a perfectly ordinary fat, but FIT, person.  That’s called progress.

Why, why, why, why, why?  Who cares?

The lesson from this?  Sometimes you have to challenge your thinking brain when it gets into negative loops. Other times you just need to tell it to shut the fuck up!!

Quote from Mark Matousek on August 2020, 8:54 am

Thanks for this writing, Pat.  It's a good example of how self-inquiry can bust the "thinking brain when it gets into negative loops" by challenging repetitive (if baseless) stories and demanding that we tell the truth.  Also, "shut the fuck up" is often a healthy response to the mind's propaganda, provided you allow yourself to acknowledge and feel your emotions first (rather than shutting down your feelings). When it comes to the addiction to negative thinking, tough love is the best approach to breaking the habit of self-judgment. Just remember to "shut the fuck up" with love and self-care, not impatience and self-contempt.  Great work here. : ) M